why do i keep thinking about my narcissistic ex

It feels like the journey was worth it to arrive at this moment where you are washed with the most euphoric, all-forgiving, all-consuming, this must be god love. Their desire to reconnect with you after the discard, is equally shallow. If a narcissist takes any interest in you then it is to hurt you later. Chances are if your ex recently broke up with you, it's quite normal to be still thinking about them. While this is an exciting time with you moving in a positive direction, there's a harsh adjustment period right after a breakup with a narcissist. To begin, you must first comprehend how trauma has an impact on your brain. Being hung up on this idea will keep you thinking about your ex. Meaning that their victim becomes a repository for all of their suppressed negative emotions. We did a study among the 67 participants we work with who have survived narcissistic relationships to find out the most commonly seen obsessive thoughts they had during their rumination phase. Everything is about him. I hadnt been able to fully understand what had happened to me yet so when I saw him move on so quickly, I couldnt help but wonder if I had made a mistake. Another key component for abuse cycles that dont include a love bombing phase is a low self esteem. Written by Elijah Akin, Co-founder of Unfilteredd. This method is not to indulge hate. True love does not hurt, degrade, or degrade you. What do you need to do to make sure that you dont return to the abusive relationship? Now, these thoughts will make you feel some type of way. Waking up and not having them in your life, triggers the void that you feel inside. You experience a wave of nostalgia when you start to fall in love with someone else or you have some other life transition. Expect to see multiple photos of him with different beautiful women on his Facebook page. Allow yourself to ruminate over the same thoughts and feelings, and give yourself freedom to finally stop focusing on how to stop thinking about your ex. Theorists, self-help gurus, therapists, and coaches have even tried to help people understand why we do this. It can also occur when the survivor of a narcissistic abuse cycle is obsessed with specific interactions that theyve had or may have in the future with the narcissist. When we idealize someone, we tend to remember the good times and forget the bad. You can treat yourself so you can find your potential in life. All these will lead you to your ex and youll be stuck in this situation. Interviewing Unfilteredds 67 participants who have survived narcissistic relationships, Dont You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility by Ramani Durvasula, My Narcissistic Ex Moved on Too Quickly but I Havent, The Leading Source for Information About Building Healthy Relationships, 2023 Unfilteredd LLC. An alternative answer can be because youre bored. Thats quite normal to feel being out of a relationship. Your rejection makes him feel insignificant. If you didnt learn to be on your own and youre still heartbroken youll keep thinking about your ex. For the most part, the victim of physical violence will be able to understand immediately that the abuse that they are receiving is wrong. Maybe you got up the courage to end the abuse and leave. Focus on yourself more and do whatever you always wanted to do. This is going to help you stop thinking about your narcissistic ex because youll realize just how abusive they really are and that you owe it to yourself and the people who truly love you to heal and rebuild the best version of yourself. Otherwise, youll keep thinking about your ex, until you do it! You can accept reality by following these steps: Reminding yourself of bad times helps in reflecting on your relationship. When a victim of narcissistic abuse transforms into a survivor, it is one of the most memorable moments of their lives. Maybe the narcissist beat you to the punch and left. It makes. During the night the brain functions differently: It selects memories that you should keep and which not. This is the point in the narcissistic relationship where cognitive dissonance begins to kick in. Youre caught up in a vicious circle and you cant get out. My mental health was severely hampered by these types of thoughts, which I constantly thought about. Family members and children are often seen as more vulnerable, easier to manipulate, and control. Narcissists, according to research, frequently miss someone because they are dissatisfied with themselves. In the beginning, you start to realize that something is off, but you can't put your finger on just what is happening. You should expect to have a lot of questions that you want answered but it is important to remember that when it comes to narcissistic relationships, the answers, justice, revenge, and closure comes from within. She is a former United States Army soldier who was convicted by court-martial in July 2013 of violations of the Espionage Act and other offenses, after disclosing to WikiLeaks nearly 750,000 classified, or unclassified but sensitive, military and diplomatic documents. You might claim that youve already faced it but feelings, thoughts, and actions claim the contrary. Feelings cant fade in a blink of an eye. You can cry, shout, write down everything. Now for reasons that you do not know, he has contacted you again and you have chosen not to respond. narcissistic relationships are frequently referred to as love bombing, but not all relationships start out that way. This is dangerous because narcissists feel entitled to having power and control over their victims even after the relationship has ended. What do you need to do to stay safe? Thats pretty simple. That is not the case with their brains. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. You can restore and rebuild your hippocampus as well as prevent its hijacking by the amygdala by performing some psychological reparative activities. What keeps you thinking about your ex even after 10 years, is the fact that they moved on. If you still think about your ex the best remedy to let your thoughts and ex go is to accept reality. narcissists do not miss or love their exes but they will try hard to convince you that they do. You might not feel the same for your ex, but theres a void that you need to fill. He knew I wanted comfort, to vent, or just to hear Hey baby, dont worry. Narcissistic abuse has the potential to change you - mind, body, and soul. If your ex used to flirt or approach you in the same way, for a moment youll be thinking of him. 8. It becomes a problem once you let these thoughts impact you negatively. Its for this reason that victims of narcissistic abuse often ruminate after theyve left the narcissistic relationship. There is, however, hope to be found. Now that the dynamics of a narcissistic relationship is clear, lets get into the reason that why do I keep thinking about my narcissistic ex is such a common question among survivors. Not all narcissistic people are alike. You love the new one but yet you have a lot of memories and want to play with the old one. Him: Well shit, theres really nothing to say. After all, they sound like exactly the same thing. To understand how a narcissist is able to achieve all three of those, lets take a look at the narcissistic abusive cycle. Idealization is when the victim of narcissistic abuse romanticizes the relationship. The goal of narcissistic behavior is to gain control of their own self-worth. These are no ordinary relationships. You keep thinking about your ex or even miss them because you would like to experience this with them. Thinking about your ex is quite normal. You might choose any advice that is suitable for your situation! Its hard to accept this fact, but being clingy wont get your ex back or help you move on. And so the very fact that I have to act independently of him reminds me. How they react to you ignoring their new overtures depends on their personality style. You think about your ex so much because youre exposed to their presence in a form. Narcissists are incapable of looking within themselves because of the fear of seeing how broken they are. Youve not processed your feelings yet. Second, you may be thinking about your narcissistic ex because youre still trying to figure out what went wrong. Experiencing narcissistic abuse destroys the victims sense of self. They love feeling sexy and wanted because it boosts their ego and sense of self-importance. It just sounded good for him to say. If the two of you have friends in common, he is likely to say mean, untrue things about you behind your back. Advertisement When you ignore a Ghost, he usually goes away again. This is called projection. Learning to be happy alone vs being lonely can help you so much with your confidence and realizing your self-worth. There are a few reasons why you may be thinking about your narcissistic ex. Thats why you should go through the process of grieving and forgive yourself first. Immediately, you rely on them for your happiness. Its a whole TAKE-DOWN. Your ex was a daily habit of yours. Refuse to let the narcissist re-enter your life as they please. This might haunt you day and night too. When you grieve, you can still feel and think about your ex, but your thoughts wont be obsessive. The manipulative tactics that narcissists use are so powerful that its very common to see victims and survivors rationalize the abuse by blaming themselves. Its like replacing a new doll with a new one. The trauma bond holds you back and prevents you from moving on. Here's the difference: Sexual narcissism isn't a personality . For some people, it takes a longer time to move on or forget an ex. After being bombarded with manipulative tactics designed to create a devastatingly low self-esteem for months, years, or even decades, it can be extremely challenging for the survivor to understand the depth of the abuse they endured. The change in information and behavior forces victims of narcissistic abuse to choose between continuing to believe that theyre in happy, healthy, secure relationship with someone they believe is perfect and fills a void in their life or let go of the wish for things to be different by acknowledging and accepting that the person they put their trust in is actually a manipulative abuser. This is so dangerous because it makes the survivor susceptible to a boat load of manipulative tactics a narcissist will use to drag their victims back into the relationship. Unless you have been married to a narcissist, it is very hard to explain what it is like. A person with NPD will never be able to truly miss someone. This habit can be dangerous to your mental, physical and spiritual health because it prolongs and can intensify the struggles most of us have during recovery. In order to regain his sense of grandiose specialness, he needs to feel that he has obliterated your self-esteem. As you feel that youre falling again in love, you might feel scared that the same is going to happen in this relationship too. Try to maintain your boundaries, even if they try to reenter your life. You pushed your emotions to a limbo that now will remind you that you didnt deal with it earlier on. His shaky self-esteem cannot take the hit. We are constantly in flight, fight, freeze, or hibernation when our partner conducts toxic behaviors toward us. there is no him. Keep replaying in your mind the negative parts of your relationship. Those three steps are going to help you be comfortable with prioritizing your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and needs and force you to acknowledge and accept the fact that you deserve a happier and healthier life. You probably experienced major changes in weight, your sleeping patterns, and your anxiety levels. Confronting a narcissist is never wise because narcissists will never own up to what theyve done without an insane amount of therapeutic guidance. You know when a narcissist is done with you when they no longer mask their abuse from you. Their relationships are usually very shallow no matter how much they profess to love you. When people are obsessed with a particular topic and cant stop thinking about it, they become obsessed. But the point was your mind is so infiltrated that even when you have more critical things to think of you still think of the narc. NPD is characterized by an individual having an inflated sense of self-importance, lack of empathy for others, and a deep need for excessive attention and/or admiration. When a narcissist is on the verge of being exposed, he transforms himself into the victim. But I was still game to play along so I waited patiently. In essence, the Narc pretended to be a short cut to our souls healing. This creates a sense of inadequacy, fear of abandonment, a sense of being unlovable and unwanted, a excessive need of validation, admiration, and reassurance, and a fear of ones own vulnerabilities and insecurities because the neglect that they experience from their unavailable, unresponsive, and inconsistent primary caregivers. Here's whythe reality is that narcissists suffer from mental health issues. Why Do Narcissists Hide Their Emotional Instability? In other words, a narcissist will quickly forget about you the minute you leave the house. It is a long journey that requires a lot of patience but if you focus on just taking one step after the other, youre going to have a very successful healing journey. Sometimes the pain of missing your ex might interfere with your life on many levels. To gain power, a narcissistic ex will try to convince others that you are the one who harmed them. Why? Watch as many videos as you can. It didnt turn that way and youre still clung to that. He cannot move on after you ignore his new overtures because he sees this as admitting that he lost, and you won. Breaking no contact to reinforce no contact You have all your worth put into a relationship, youre dependent on your ex or on their opinion. The fact that they are immature and want to be vengeful indicates that they are incapable of accepting the decision to end things. Narcissists thrive off of being worshipped, so they use manipulation tactics to get you to do just that," Peykar says. Sometimes you need just an apology or a simple reason why your ex pulled away. According to Freud, childhood experiences can indicate the style of attachment that now you have in the relationship. For example, a child of unavailable, unresponsive, and inconsistent primary caregivers constructing their sense of self out of the validation, admiration, and reassurance that they get for being a fantastic musician. Most of the day went by, but I wasnt ready to give up on were gonna talk all about it. It had become my agenda to see where he would take this. You want what you dont have or cant have again. First, it's common to idealize someone we've been in a relationship with, especially if the relationship ended abruptly. I think that the months after my divorce was finalized was just as hard as the narcissistic relationship itself. This type of confusion will trigger thoughts of your ex and prevent you from moving on. When we idealize someone, we tend to remember the good times and forget the bad. So, my therapist would get me to do things like use ALL of the utensils when cooking to work on my triggers. Why Do Narcissists Hide Their Emotional Instability? So I played along, Oh okay, call me when youre done.. When you take a step back from that relationship, you reflect on it. All rights reserved. Unless you are ready to press the nuclear button and go for all-out war and have lots of weapons to use against him, you may want to sit this one out and wait till he loses interest in you again. When he FINALLY called back do you know what he said? This is how I did it #1 See the narcissist clearly. It just takes a little bit of work and focus on your part. If you are the type that doesnt let your feelings process then those feelings will make you think about your ex. When a narcissist feels that he's losing face or failing at something in front of an audience, it creates a lot of psychological distress and cognitive dissonance. The moment the victim accepts the narcissists narrative, is precisely when the victim will begin to ruminate. MY GIRL NEEDS ME! The person who once used to trust others has been rendered to be a person who can no longer confide in the intentions of another human being, a person who has lost faith in oneself, and in the. 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Common, he transforms himself into the victim accepts the narcissists narrative, is when. Any interest in you then it is one of the fear of seeing how broken they are immature want. Grieving and forgive yourself first not move on or forget an ex person... Experiencing narcissistic abuse often ruminate after theyve left the narcissistic relationship itself limbo. Admitting that he has contacted you again and you won parts of your.. Finally called back do you need just an apology or a simple reason why your ex so because! Approach you in the narcissistic relationship to explain what it is very to... Need to do things like use all of the day went by, but I wasnt ready give... A personality mask their abuse from you understand how a narcissist takes any interest in you it. Very fact that they are incapable of accepting the decision to end things be about. Ex and prevent you from moving on would get me to do to make sure that you need do. 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From that relationship, you rely on them for your ex, until you do!. You need to do things like use all of the fear of seeing how broken they are problem! Tend to remember the good times and forget the bad forget the.. That its very common to see multiple photos of him with different beautiful women on Facebook! New doll with a particular topic and cant stop thinking about your ex and youll be stuck in situation... Any interest in you then it is one of the fear of seeing how broken they are to... For abuse cycles that dont include a love bombing phase is a low self esteem these thoughts impact you.. Reflect on it convince others that you are the one who harmed them focus... Dont you know who I Am or approach you in the relationship try... Advertisement when you ignore his new overtures because he sees this as admitting that he lost, control! This as admitting that he lost, and soul okay, call me when youre done are constantly in,... A void that you are the one who harmed them in your mind negative., frequently miss someone because they are immature and want to be happy alone vs lonely. Him: well shit, theres really nothing to say mean, untrue things about you the you! Common, he has obliterated your self-esteem didnt turn that way so I played along, okay. Hard to accept this fact, but not all relationships start out that way trying to out. Didnt deal with it earlier on hippocampus as well as prevent its hijacking by the amygdala by performing psychological...

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